Dan Allender

Help! How Do I Deal With My Contempt?

My last blog elicited quite a few responses asking how we should handle our contemptuous hearts. Remember, contempt is the number one marriage killer. It’s not something to take lightly.

Tackling an answer in a blog doesn’t do the problem justice. One size does not fit all. Still, I’m going to offer an approach by sharing what’s helped identify and root out contempt in our marriage. Bear in mind that this was after [...]

By |February 15th, 2017|Shari Thomas|4 Comments|

The Number One Marriage Killer

He dropped a heavy bag on the train seat next to mine. I commented on the black velvet suit draped over the top. “That’s from another life, another time,” he said with a sigh. “Besides, it’s a long story.” I told him I had an hour and half.

He had just been released from rehab and was a Christian who had journeyed far from his true home. He was getting his life back on track [...]

Contempt is like an Undiscovered Cancer – Part 2

You don’t see it or even feel it’s effects before it threatens to kill your relationships.  Contempt has many faces and is easily masked:

  • Asking your spouse to do a task and then criticizing how it was done
  • Asking his/her opinion, but then seeking someone else’s. If you are getting input from several sources on a difficult topic, say so before hand.
  • Discussing his/her shortcomings especially in front of others without knowing if they’re ready to engage [...]

A Valentine’s Gift that will Change your Marriage – Part 1

He dropped a heavy bag on the train seat next to mine. I commented on the black velvet suit draped over the top. “That’s from another life, another time,” he said with a sigh. “Besides, it’s a long story.” I told him I had an hour and half.

He had just been released from rehab and was a Christian who had journeyed far from his true home. He was getting his life back on track [...]

By |February 11th, 2014|Shari Thomas|9 Comments|